Retreat Pt 2

Dear you,

I don't know what to say anymore.

I have mad moments in which I want to take it all back, keep doing whatever it was I thought I was doing, apologise for leaping to conclusions and just remain the way we were.

I want to talk. I want to be around you. In the face of all rationality, I want you to want to talk and want to be around me, too.

How lame, right?

But mostly I want to stop thinking about you. Stop avoiding love songs and other people who are driving me insane with their, 'But why did you do this?'. Stop my heart twisting at the thought that I can no longer just keep something in mind to tell you later; can't fulfil my promises and bug you to fulfil yours.

They say it'll get better. They say I'll stop caring. But I don't want to. But I don't want to, I cry like an impatient child. It's just not fair. I run on the treadmill to the beat of those words. It's. Just. Not. Fair. I pound it out to every step until I'm tired and sweaty.(and I hate being sweaty, but I welcome the fatigue)

Even lamer.

I wonder if you miss me, even a little bit, even at all. There I go, wandering into dangerous territory again.

Must not think of you. Must not speak to you. Must not want to cry. Oh, dear.

When you hate and love LAN ban

Every once in a while I become this reclusive internet nerd.

I start off on Facebook or 9gag or Youtube and then hop, hop, hop, headphones in my ears, until the sun's come up and gone down and come up again. I have lists of things left unfinished, people waiting to hear from me, and I just let everything go for just one more cat video, which tends to turn into a whole marathon.

I trawl and trawl, finding the weird and the creepy and the just plain absurd. Fake accounts are a dime a dozen, and fun to play with and troll people out of.

Internet-addiction is a scary thing, and around once a month, I just let myself go. Eventually, head pounding, eyes watering, I give in to my body's needs, switch off, power down.

Until next time, I promise myself. One day I will make that highscore on Burrito Bison Revenge.