Why I Can't Write... And Why I Do

Heavy Title, isn't it? But the truth's the truth.

I can't write.

I have ideas all the time. They plague my dreams. I get up in the morning and, furiously brushing my teeth, try to fix the details in my mind. The stranger, the more surreal, the better. I've had dreams that I'm scared of, about murderers and repressive societies that kill non-conformers. And I think, 'What a great idea!'. But I never remember too much. So sometimes my ideas are little gems; but I've never found the nugget or vein I'm looking for. Very, very rarely, I try to put several little gems together, to get one big pretty piece of jewelry, and then stick it together with some random glue, like new characters or convoluted relationships.

I work on my stories a lot, but never enough. When one's half-done, I switch to a newer, more exciting idea. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever finish a story. I guess I'll never know.

Okay, that's not completely true. I did complete a story once. Or twice.

A fanfiction, about Detective School Q and CLAMP School, was my first completed fic ever. Also the first that I ever put up online. If you want to look over it, it's fine. But remember, this was six years ago, and it is bad. (Not that I'm not proud of my twelve-year-old's scribblings. I am.)

Linky: My First Fanfiction 

Another one, which I was in the process of submitting to a beta-reader(not a very experienced one, 'tis true), was stored on the old home desktop and seems to be lost forever. Ah, I'll always remember you, my friend.

One more, a poem, that is not worth the paper it's written on, but somehow other people disagree.(Note: The last few lines, the 'you' parts, are all serious crap. The first few ones I like.)

Linky: Here it is.

Then there was the fanfiction I'll probably take to my grave. It was probably my best work so far, and I even thought of several alternate endings for it, but I was too embarrassed to put it up anywhere, or, heck, let anyone see it. FMEO. For my eyes only.

My last novel attempt. That one I'm genuinely proud of. But it's incomplete and not well-thought-out, and I want to improve it. I want people to read it---I... I...

I just had the most amazing idea! Thanks, people, you rock!! A kidnapping attempt is just what it needed!!

*heart* This is gonna be great, I enthuse in my mind, thinking of it even as my mom shouts for me in the background. I won't stop thinking, writing, writing, writing, until it's perfect. And then some.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I write.

More updates on my uber-novel soooooon.

For now, goodbye.

BdK

PS: Hey, you! Yeah, you who I'm going to be conning into reading this blog this very afternoon! Let's have some fun! Let the MI begin!!