A note to the Students I TA for

I'm sure a good number of you resent me. I know I seem harsh when I say you can't come into lab because you're not prepared or I can't accept some work which is overdue. Externally, the reasons are all the same: the rules are the rules, you and I both have to play by them. Internally, though, the reason I believe in those rules is this: I want to have a positive impact on your lives.

This is one college course: this is one grade that won't even matter in the long run. But I want to teach you stuff I had to learn during college. I seem just a couple of years older than you; in fact, I am about 5 years older, and to someone who has been through college, those 5 years seem like a lot.

I could be a schoolteacher and let it slide when you don't complete something in time, or neglect to wear your safety glasses. I could ignore the fact that you are unprepared for lab. But the truth is, I'm never going to. I want you to learn that you can't do stuff like that anymore. You're going to have to start setting alarms, start working on the homework early, start being responsible.

"But what does it matter if it's ACS format?" You complain. Of course it does. You are given instructions, and you need to know how to follow them. But it's not as simple as a brainwashing indocrination into being a humanoid robot for the good of society. The underlying rules, which I tried to explain to you, are that progress needs human beings to work together, and you can't work together until you speak each others' language. It doesn't matter where you're from in the world, or how much(or little) experience you have in the field; the minute you learn the language you're able to communicate results and opinions, you're able to contribute in a way only you can.

"Stop snooping on my paper, of course I'm not going to cheat!" I believe you. I don't believe you. It doesn't matter what I think, I'm going to keep hovering just to remove the temptation of sneaking a quick peek. I've never cheated; but believe me when I say I've felt the temptation more than once. To those of you who have worked hard and come into this exam, I'm trying to protect you and your hard work. I'm trying not to let the unfairness of the world into our little space. I'm trying to give you your best chance.

I don't want or expect thanks for this maybe high-handed but certainly well-intentioned thought process. I just want you to learn something.

Gintama

...current obsession.

Well, at least it's most definitely worth it.

I do feel that every anime fan must watch Gintama at some point. Watching Gintama is the ultimate fanservice, and no greater pleasure than understanding the(hilarious) actual Japanese.

I disagree that there is no character development exactly in Gintama, especially in Gin-san. The openings and endings, when watched all together, make you really see how Gin-san has changed from the beginning of the series. In "Pray", he seems to be chased by actual demons, and is just beginning to wake from his nightmares. By contrast, a lot of the later openings hit hopeful notes as we start out, growing stronger and happier, for example, "Let's go out" begins with a bunch of pictures of him enjoying himself with everyone. Maybe it isn't the life-lesson-learning we're used to in our Hero's Quest-style anime, but it is definitely a change.

I haven't watched any serious amounts of the big 3 anime, about 50 episodes of One Piece, 15 of Naruto and about 100 of Bleach, but none of them has kept me hooked, with the pure rewatch value of Gintama. I daresay that after a few rewatches, I might actually get bored of Gintama too.

Somehow I doubt it though. As long as it keeps me in splits throughout an episode, and then pulls out all the stops to make me cry in the next one.

Make Good Art

Neil Gaiman, in his commencement speech, says:

"Something that worked for me was imagining that where I wanted to be, which was an author, primarily a fiction, making good books [...] and supporting myself through my words, imagining that was a mountain, a distant mountain, my goal. And I knew that as long as I kept walking towards the mountain, I'd be alright. And when I was truly not sure what to do, I could stop and think about whether it was taking me towards or away from the mountain."

People work with freelancers because:

1. their work is good
2. easy to get along with
3. they deliver the work on time

2 out of 3 is fine!

I'm just a little behind, is all.

5 things learning English has taught me

1. How to write when you have nothing to say

No, really. Half the time, in the exam my pen's just scratching its way across the paper, desperately trying to string together words and sound coherent and meaningful when all I really feel is that I don't know shit. And I'm still putting together crap phrases that sound fittingly formal like 'and thus it can be concluded that...' or 'one can define intermedial narrative as '. 

Just like this dog. Yeah, this is my life now.

2. How to absorb from 300+ pages in less than an hour

...or, how I survived 11 exams on 11 days of preparation. Usually my English exams are right after my regular semester ends, so after doing exactly zero prep during the whole entire year, when I was supposed to be doing a 22-week syllabus, I end up trying to cram everything in a couple of days(and nights, because let's face it, nobody sleeps when their fear of eternal damnation failing an exam is at hand). And it sucks because it's all really interesting to me, but I just can't seem to study unless my pants are on fire.

Stop, drop and roll!

3. How to sound intelligent

It's taught me phrases and words like poststructuralism, and, honestly, the true meaning of words people keep throwing around, like 'metaphor', 'irony' and 'analepsis'.

I am fun at parties, actually. Thanks! :D

This way people think I sound smart when I open my mouth, even if it's only because they have no clue/no interest in what I have to say. And when I hang out with people who read a book a year, I become the intelligent one. (I'm crying inside, really)

4. The humanities are one giant slanging match

Everyone uses the fact that they were here first/last/sometime in the middle to justify how everyone else was wrong and how they are most definitely right. Dictionary writers believe that the older the definition, the better, even though no one uses the word 'housewife' for a sewing pocket; heck, no one uses 'housewife' for a person who stays at home to take care of the children, either, because it's so-20th-century.

The structuralists believed the realists were trash, the post-structuralists believed the structuralists had their heads screwed on wrong: and everyone talks politely but depreciatingly about how people of other movements were 'products of their times', forgetting that they themselves are products of their times too.

Well, you know what I'm doing.

5. A lot of different things are worth studying, for a lot of different reasons

And it's true, too. In order to satisfy my curiosity, I read widely, when you consider I've read Modern Quantum Chemistry and Image, Music, Text in the same school year. Both books afforded me real enjoyment and taught me real, valuable things. Yeah, I half-assed it, choosing to spend my time not wisely, but too well; with friends, writing and creating things, learning languages, travelling and seeing the world. Those things taught me a lot too, but without a formal curriculum and without those pesky tests.

It's weird, and I still consider myself mostly a failure, but I'm content with what learning English and Chemistry has taught me over these last five years.

Endings and beginnings

au nowa wakari no hajimari.


Translation: To meet is the beginning of parting.

But instead of being empty, I'm full. I've picked up many things, just lying there waiting for me. Emotions, the ability to laugh and sing and dance. An understanding of other people. Skills. Some confidence, some courage, some willpower. And none of that would be possible if it weren't for so many people I have to thank.

Thank you, for seeing my name up on a board and making me feel at home immediately, and every single day since then.

Thank you, for helping me and letting me help you and for being a living, breathing part of my life.

Thank you, for the insight and the love and and the confidence as a storyteller.(I miss you)

Thank you, for seeing me when I couldn't see myself, and never letting me go.(I won't let go either)

Thank you for being the one presence in my life that won't change wherever I go.(And for cribbing so much, it's fun to hear)

Thank you also, for being there when I needed someone and for helping me pass my courses.

Thank you for being the single reason I committed to something for so long, and for making my heart go boom! in my chest for the first time ever. And the date.

Thank you for being this awesome senior and person that I look up to, and will always look up to.

Thanks for all the laughter and the tears. Mainly tears. But there may have been a lot of laughter.

Thank you for the flowers.(I never did say it, but I mean it now) And for the confidence boost.

Thanks for being interested in who I am, even when I thought no one could be. And for the counselling.

Thanks for the company. And listening to everything. And I mean EVERYTHING.

Thank you for letting me crush on you, and for being a friend first.(I wish we could go back to being good friends)

Thanks for the late night conversations and the discussions about dreams.(Work towards your goal, I will too)

Thanks for the pot.(To keep flowers in, of course)

Thank you for the (smallish)butterflies in my stomach every time I see you around.(Though you'll never know)

Thanks for making lab work fun, and for the interesting discussions and for being your very very dense self.(In the best way :) )

You, too, for livening up the place, and going nuts and the entertainment.

~~~~~~~

That's all I have. It feels like treasure to me.

Disappointment.

Re-reading my old blog posts makes me wonder where that girl has gone. The one who approached every new thing with wonder; didn't just sit there passively, letting all the entertainment wash over her. The one whose primary time-suck wasn't that ridiculous website where you don't even need a brain to scroll down and find something funny and/or droll.

She loved to read, and to recommend books to friends.
She'd be ashamed to find that every single book she'd bought in the last six months was lying in her room, unread and unloved.

She loved to write, and imagined wild scenarios, with axe murderers and witches, demons and princesses, and, of course, little kids going on adventures.
She'd be sad to realise the last couple of months the only thing open in a word processor was coursework-related. No original ideas, no time devoted to actually hammering out some stories.

She was big-mouthed and opinionated, and passionate about the books/movies/tv shows she watched. Not someone who googled for every silly thing, but who composed her own thoughts, and sat and wrote them down for the world to refer to.
She'd be depressed when she knew she hadn't had a new thing to say on her blog for months now, except for her (extremely shitty) love life, and rice cooker recipes.

Ah well. Depression comes and goes. I should know.

Laters,

Katze.

Trial song 2015-16

'Cause baby I could build a castle
Out of all the bricks they threw at me

I can't do anything right. I can't do anything, right? I can't do anything! Right.

And every day is like a battle
But every night with us is like a dream

*texting*
Ugh, still stuck working.

Wanna go out?

...

Meet you in 5?

Baby we're the new romantics
Come on, come along with me
Heartbreak is our national anthem
We sing it proudly

Four years, two. Six months. Not all that long, right? Why wear your heart on your sleeve? No one wants to listen to your dumb stories. Even if they are true.

We are too busy dancing
To get knocked off our feet

Boyfriends are a waste of time. Focus on your career, you've got things to do, places to be. Honestly, you're lucky you've never been in a relationship. You haven't been distracted. None of these guys are worth it. (right?)

Baby, we're the new romantics
The best people in life are free

Shout-out to my bitches. I love you guys. So so much. And you're definitely at your best when you're free :P