IRL: Real-ness

Hey,

So this is a real life topic, something I don't usually go into.

Why?

Because: Reality's a nice place but I wouldn't want to live there :)

Just drop in to visit every once in a while. Sometimes I actually feel like I'm living underwater--which happens to be one of my favourite places. And whenever there's something important going on in real life, like an exam or result or family function, someone tosses me a line and I have to break the surface. But I can't take it very long, and I'm always anxious to get back underwater again. Back in my own world, snug and safe and surrounded by words and music.

What is my world?

I've never defined it, but it's whenever I sink so deep into a story that I forget what's real and what's not.(There I go, sounding like Leo in Inception--love that movie :))

But it's true. My world is whatever world the authors that I read, the movies that I watch, even the songs that I listen to, create. I'm safe there, because I'm the only thing living in it that can think for myself. Everyone else has a set pattern of thinking or doing that I am aware of. In a movie, it might take till the end to find out what drives a character, but you do find out at some point.

As I was writing those words, I just realised--I'm not like that. I don't really have any motivation, any real drive. Not in real life. I mean, my dream is to write and have my books read. That's true enough. But it's not a true dream, not considering where my life is going. I'm supposed to be an engineer, or a scientist, whatever it is that I finally become. But I've never woken up in the morning, the ecstasy fading as I realise that what I dreamt wasn't real, to recall the dream being where I was this great scientist. Writer, yes. Scientist, no.

((Though on a side note, I do love to teach. I've taught; well, handled a class of kindergarten students, and other imaginary classes consisting of most of my stuffed animal population, and I've loved every second. But I refuse to be a schoolteacher in this age of complete and utter disrespect for rules and ...well, you know...))